Trae and I have been trying to take a vacation for two years now. The last true vacation we went on was to Washington D.C. to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. Since that trip, we have done a lot of weekend trips together, but extended vacations have not happened. I did go to Seattle and Salt Lake City for a week each, but those were conference trips sans husband.
The Seattle trip was a big reminder for me that we hadn’t gone anywhere for a real vacation together in a long time, so when I got back we started looking at vacation options. We decided that we would book a vacation before the semester ended because that way we could give our families a extremely early heads up about our plans. We ended up staying up till midnight last night finalizing a trip to Puerto Rico; thanks to TripAdvisor we were able to book a week in Puerto Rico at a five-star hotel with flights included for under $2,000. We went to bed feeling like we had successful snuck into the Million Dollar Club. Honestly, this hotel looked like one places featured on those fancy travel magazines.
I called my mom this morning and excitedly told her about our amazing dream vacation. I was describing the fancy pool that overlooks the ocean when my mom meekly said, “Ummm, did you check about the Zika virus?” She then proceeded to tell me about a news story she watched on how Puerto Rico could possibly have tourist restrictions for the summer due to the Zika virus. When I got to work, a quick Google search confirmed what she had told me.
Do you hear that wheezing sound? That is my sound of my enthusiasm balloon deflating. I have already called TripAdvisor and canceled everything because we were in the 24-hour no penalty fee cancellation zone.
Now Trae and I are trying to figure out where else we can go. We are a little frustrated because we don’t have a big travel budget and all the places that we can afford to go to have the Zika virus. It is frustrating to try to plan a vacation with this virus because it makes us borderline on being hopeful that we will be pregnant by the time of our vacation while also reminding us that we aren’t. If we weren’t trying to have a family, then the virus would not be as big of an issue. But we are….and not being successful at that attempt.
It is hard enough trying to have a baby with family and social pressures without the pressure of death-carrying mosquitoes. I feel like every turn we make on the baby path leads to a dead end, and now when we need relaxation, we reach a dead end on that one too. It starts to bring me down mentally because I feel trapped. Trapped by my body not doing what is should do and trapped because I am not allowed to forget about my body’s shortcomings.
I wish I could end this post on a happy note, like “but now we found an awesome deal for a cruise and all was right in the world”. But I can’t. Plus I would be lying if I ended on an overly happy note. Trying to have a child is hard and sometimes things just suck. And this trip is a reminder of how infertility can affect every part of our lives. I also know that in the big picture of life, canceling one vacation isn’t the worse thing that can happen. I had just gotten myself so excited to take a break from trying to make a baby and instead reconnect with my husband on a beach with a drink served in a pineapple. I can tell myself over and over again that it isn’t a huge deal and it is better to be safe, but I still feel down about it. So I guess my question is, what would you do in this situation to make yourself feel better?