We have had a lot of rain lately. Living in the flatland is a new experience for us. Water has no where to roll and just stands in its place. After a heavy rain, Trae debates whether or not to water the garden. With so much rain, Trae has to be cautious and not over water the garden. While water provides a way for the plants to grow, too much water and the plants can drown. We have already had to replant the garden once due to the rain. A marriage can also drown even when a spouse is trying to do what is best for the marriage.
Sometimes a spouse will compromise too much. A person who constantly compromises is not being true to herself and will find herself drowning, losing who she is. When someone loses herself, then the marriage has lost part of its foundation. A marriage happens when two people become one; not when one person overshadows another person. If you realize that you are someone who constantly compromises, work on improving communication. See if your church has any special events for couples.
Marriages can also drown when couples have too much “us” time and not enough “me” time. Time together is extremely important, but so it time apart. People need to grow and mature as individuals in order to be a stronger spouse. Some ways to make time for yourself can be:
- Sign up for a class or activity outside of the house. Micheal’s Craft Store always has something go on; I loved their cake classes. Check out local playhouses for auditions. Maybe yoga. Go to a book signing or lecture of the local college. Trae plays hockey one to two nights a week.
- Set a timer for an hour. Make sure your spouse knows that you cannot be interrupted during that hour, even to answer the dreaded “Where is….” question! During that hour do whatever you want: bake, read, write, take a bubble bath until you are all pruney.
- Take yourself on a “Me Party” (A happier version of Amy Adams’ party in the Muppet Movie.) Go to dinner and movie. Maybe a museum. Just make it a date for yourself. My favorite date is a walk in the woods. I just to love going to Biltmore and walk in their gardens followed by coffee and dessert!
- Go out with some girlfriends. One of my friends and I have girls’ night when our husbands are playing hockey; we just sit around, have a glass of wine, and chitchat. Or do a weekend getaway with the girls. At the urging of my husband, I went to Hilton Head not that long ago with two girlfriends from graduate school.
Also, the other spouse should be respectful when his spouse needs “me” time. The spouse needs to recognize that the time apart isn’t a jab or slight to him, but instead a way to make sure his spouse has time to grow and nurture her own interests. Sometimes what makes a marriage so fun are the differences a couple brings to the union.