“I put a ring on it. I said ‘I do.’ We had a honeymoon. That whole dating thing is over now. Glad that’s all over; now we can get back to life. I mean, we are married.”
I am embarrassed to admit those were my thoughts after getting married. Not sure where I got those ideas from, but they were seriously the wrong thoughts.
I really just didn’t think much about dating my wife. I honestly don’t know if I knew that dating after marriage was a thing. It might seem shocking, but I never saw my parents dating each other. That was not behavior that I knew, so going on dates with my wife just wasn’t in my thought process. The idea of marriage to me was two people living together, but not really doing stuff together that was fun. Dad would watch TV or Mom would have him fixing something around the house. My parents were not ones to kiss each other or hold hands in front of my brother and me. So to me, marriage was very business-like.
Now I realize as an adult that those Friday nights I spent at my grandparent’s house were my parents’ date nights. I just thought my grandparents liked having the grandkids over to spoil; I never realized that my parents needed time to be together, just the two of them. I think since I didn’t see those affectionate moments, I started to believe that marriage didn’t have tenderness.
Now, after almost six years, I know that marriage isn’t about two people living their separate lives during the day to only go to sleep in the same room. It took me awhile to realize that I couldn’t have my friend over ever weekend and that putting a ring on it didn’t mean the dating part of things was over.
Dating your wife makes her feel wanted and still loved. It reassures her that you are still as attracted to her as the day you met and that she is a priority to you. I have come to realize that those dates don’t have to be cocktail attire or bank-breaking. The classics hold up nicely: a movie, a favorite restaurant, or a pint at the bar. The important part is that you are spending time with your wife. Sure you can spend time with your friends, but your wife should be your priority. It took me a long time to realize this, but once I did I was able to start seeing all the joys marriage has to offer. Yes, marriage still has its downs, but I can honestly say that spending time with my wife is one of my favorite things to do.