After Carrie got back from her grandmother’s funeral in Mississippi, I had to pick her up in South Carolina and drive us back to North Carolina. The first half of the trip Carrie stayed uncommonly quiet. I thought she should be sharing her grief, talking, something, so I started asking a lot of questions. And I mean a lot of questions. After some one word answers, Carrie reminded me that she had been in the car for 11 hours with her talkative aunt. At that moment I realized I wasn’t doing what was best for my wife.
What helps my wife the most is really just to listen to her and to make sure she opens up on her own time. As a husband, I need to let her talk and reason through issues. It has been a long, hard learned lesson, and I know I’m still not the best at it. It is a struggle sometimes, because I’m a fixer. My first response is to try and fix the problem by asking questions or offering suggestions.