Hello everyone! I promise Wow and Vow Days is not dead. This blog is not my full time job, and lately I have been devoting time to my career in academia. I actually work as a Composition Coordinator (aka one of the big bosses of the college’s Writing Center) at at community college. I love my job, but I am also always seeking ways to improve myself professionally. To do this, I travel and present at conferences. For an academic, conferences are a great way to boost your CV and they can also lead to chances for getting published.
Archives for March 2016
Wow! This post will be my 100th post! That is crazy to think about! I feel like I am holding a blogging Academy Award. I would start to say thank you, but I think the band would play me off.
For this 100th post, I thought I would take a minute to reflect on the how this blog has helped my own marriage. I know I started to this blog to help kick-start other couples into improving their marriage, but really I feel like my marriage has grown so much since I started writing Wow and Vow Days.
Writing these posts allows me to express my own thoughts and feelings on marriage, especially in topics that don’t necessarily get brought up at the dinner table. I am honest and frank in these posts, especially with the ones that discuss our infertility issues. Many times my honesty sparks conversations with Trae because he might not have realized how I truly feel about something. He didn’t realize that our infertility was making me feel less of a woman until reading the post Taking a Break. Heck, I didn’t know I was really feeling that way until those words appeared on the screen. By being truly honest with myself, I can in return be truly honest with Trae, and many times these blog posts help me realize what my own thoughts and feelings are.
I know that many times when I edit his “Trae’s Two Cents” posts I am surprised about how much I learn about my husband from those posts. For example, I also didn’t realize that he really had listened and understood how much his blanket response “It isn’t that bad” hurt my feelings, or that he was working on changing his response until I read Trae’s Two Cents: Listening to Your Wife’s Problems. I felt loved and understood by Trae as I was editing that post.
So this blog has brought Trae and I to an even better level of communication. I would have never thought this would have happened when I started Wow and Vow Days a little over a year ago. But we are constantly finding out that these post are leading us to have conversations that strengthen our marriage. I know that the other day after talking to Trae about what my next posts should be, I brought up doing another infertility update. Before I knew it we were talking about our next step to overcoming our infertility. The conversation didn’t start out that way, but it ended up with us having a new baby-making game plan.
Ultimately I am saying that communication takes on many forms, and good communication can lead to a great marriage. Wow and Vow Days has allowed my husband and I to improve our communication in some unexpected ways. So, here is to the first 100 posts, and I am looking forward to the ways that this blog and my marriage will grow over the next 100 posts.
Things have been very stressful lately. I am the costumer for a show and spent over five hours at the theater yesterday. The excess amount of time spent at the theater is becoming a reoccurring theme. Overall, I spent less than an hour at the house yesterday. I have also been taking my jewelry class and working on paper to present at a conference, so Trae and I are not spending as much time together as I would like. Overall, our schedules have been crazy: go see family, play rehearsals, paper writing, jewelry class, jobs, grading papers, hockey, travel, sleep.
Lucky for us, we had a weekend trip planned. Since we are Biltmore Estate passholders, we get free tickets to the house to give to friends. With the help of Facebook, I organized a large gathering (10 total) of friends, parents, and godparents to go to the Estate last weekend. Since I had been a tour guide at the Biltmore Estate way back in 2007, I thought it would be fun to led an unofficial tour complete with a Carrie twist. However, I almost had to cancel due to play obligations. Yet, I decided to level with the director and tell her I needed a break. And honestly, that was the best decision I made.
During the weekend, I got to see friends I adore, hug my parents, and laugh with my godparents. I walked around downtown Asheville, put my tour guide skills to use, and enjoy a dinner that lasted over three hours due to laughter and story telling. The entire weekend was low key and relaxing: just what we needed.
The mini-vacation made us realize how we have forgotten to make time for us during this extremely stressful and busy time. Having the gift of time ending up being what we needed to reconnect, but to also realize how much we had drifted apart. Without being conscious of it, we had managed to create a separation between us. It wasn’t a hostile separation; we weren’t fighting, but still a divide had been created. We had gotten too use to doing our own thing and not including the other spouse into our personal orbit. The moments of peace and relaxation were spent separately: not healthy for a marriage. What makes it even more unhealthy is we did not even realize we were creating separate spaces.
In short, make sure you make time for one another. One day you might wake up and realize that while you live with your spouse, you two are on separate trajectories. I am not saying to not engage in individual activities, but make sure you are aware of how you are spending time with your spouse. If you find yourselves with on separate orbits, make time to do something together. Time together is the only way to ensure that your orbits do not become as far away as Earth from Pluto (which is still a planet in my textbook).