*Disclaimer: This post is a little different for Wow and Vow Days. I do not want people to think that I am being judge-y about weight or think that I am saying people who wear a size eight or above are overweight. I am just being honest about my personal struggles.
Today (or well today in Salt Lake City time!) is National Appreciation Day, and while I am sure you are supposed to appreciation your spouse, your parents, your doctor, I want to take a moment to appreciate me….or at least I want to try to.
A not so little secret is that I am not happy with my looks. When I got married, I started dropping weight and a lot of it. I went from an 8/6 to a solid 4. Then that 4 started to slowly slip to a 2. I was skinny. I wanted to wear bikinis; I wanted to wear cute clothes. I wanted to be seen. I was finally good enough to be looked at, or so I thought. But in reality my friends and family were telling me to gain weight, that I looked sick. Everywhere I went people were telling me to eat something. And I relished in it. I loved it. I loved hearing “Wow, you are so skinny.” What I didn’t hear was the worry and concern in people’s voices. I didn’t see my ribs starting to showing; I focused on the fact my slight stomach pooch was gone. It was awesome.
Then birth control came out and wham! my body went crazy. I ended getting huge boobs and my belly came back. Sure my size 6 pants still fit, but they weren’t loose. I couldn’t pull them down without unzipping them. And in my mind they feel tight. Granted they really aren’t, but I can’t convince myself otherwise. I went over three years without having to unzip my pants to put them on. I even had to buy a size 8 dress because my boobs wouldn’t fit in the size 6. That was hard for me to accept. Packing for Alt Summit, the conference I am at now, brought me to tears. I wanted to look fashionable and professional, and all I saw was fat and tight pants.